Just like a lot of things, great séx and how to achieve it changes often.
The séx rules of a decade ago is unlikely to work now.
Check out a few outdated séx tips below and how you can be a better lover.
OLD RULE: If She Likes It, Keep Doing It
NEW RULE: Never Stop Experimenting
Her body’s sensitivity changes as her arousál level rises. Experiment and retrace your steps, so that instead of becoming fixated on one point, you visit a series of sensitive points regularly. Set up simple codes she can use: “up” or “down” for where to move your hand, for example. Or ask her, “How’s this feel, one to 10?” then vary the pressure.
OLD RULE: Fantasy is for the Lonely
NEW RULE: She Needs the Distraction
During séx, men focus on the oncoming climáx. Women’s minds wander, often into fantasy. To reach orgásm, she needs to clear her head and turn off her brain’s fear center. Fantasy is a way for her to disconnect her mind, and it becomes an important part of deactivating her fear center. Encourage her release by constructing an erotic fantasy before things heat up. Then, you can whisper provocative sentences to each other in turn, building a story she can get lost in.
OLD RULE: Control the Pace
NEW RULE: Let Her Take Over
In almost every culture’s history, the man takes the lead in séx. But that’s a patriarchal hang-up. Let her control the pace and intensity (either initially or totally, depending on the mood), so that you both know what’s best for her. The more fun she has, the better for you. Encourage her to be on top: It allows her to take advantage of a full range of positions—facing you, facing away, even sitting cross-legged on you.
OLD RULE: Erotic Spots are Predictable
NEW RULE: Different Touches Bring Different Results
Her clitorís, vagína, and urethrá are interconnected, and researchers believe that stímulating any one of them may contribute to overall arousál. Branch out and tease what some call the U-spot—an area between her clitorís and vagína, located near the entrance to her urethrá. Use soft, circular motions with your finger. Urethrál nerves are very sensitive, so stimulation here creates a particular kind of arousál—a soft, melting form of climáx. Make sure your hands are clean, though—the area is infection-prone.
OLD RULE: Speed Thrills
NEW RULE: Slow Down
Pulling back when she’s near climáx and then resuming can enhance her orgásm. Suspense raises the psychological arousál level. Ask her to tell you when she’s near the top, and then pull back for a few minutes to kiss and concentrate on other parts of her body. Repeat several times—build up, back off—until you take her over the edge. Don’t fear ruining a moment. It takes 5 to 10 minutes for arousál to really subside, so even if she thinks she’s “lost it,” you’re probably equipped to bring her back